Here I sit

And I wait...I have not slept in two days...I'm anxious, but not scared. I will leave for the hospital in an hour to have what was one tumor removed...but instead there are two. One is larger than a base ball, the other a ping-pong ball.

I tried my best to explain to my dear students what would happen today, I don't know how much they understood except that I will have two scares that look much like the ones several of them have from their various operations.

My family is good. Warren will be at my bed side and tend to my needs. This is a huge sacrifice for him. It will be difficult for me to let him take care of me - big role reversal here. Megan is very clingy and openly nervous (although she has promised to smuggle in a frosty for me tonight). And Mandy.... is in denial. She is the quiet one. Scared. Won't talk. The one I worry about the most.

And where is God? Right here sitting next to me. I haven't "prayed" Father blah, blah, blah. I've talked. To my Daddy.

"Daddy, I'm scared"
I know, you should be.
"it's going to hurt"
Yep
"I know I'll be OK"
Yes, you will sweetie. Here hold my hand.
"Daddy I can't sleep"
I know
"You'll go with me, right?"
I be right there the whole time. Come her my baby, lay your head on my lap and rest.
"I love you Daddy"
I know. I love you too my child.

This is peace. I love my Daddy. Just just like I can't fully remove my children's apprehension over the various events of their lives, neither can He. He does what I do for them and for Warren. Be quite. be calm. stroke their hair and scratch their back. The comfort of touch.

My Heavenly father is sitting here beside me know. I feel his presence. His hand is upon my back. He is going to wipe away my tears shortly. The He will lead me to the operating room where He will sit with me and care for me. When I come out He will enter into my husband and be his strength. I love my God, my Daddy, my family. Life is good even now.