What I want

Warren and I are thinking about buying a lake house but we just can't decide...something feels off. I think of all the other places we could spend our money. And I feel like we are giving upon our dream of a house at the beach. I feel so close to God there.

I grew up with a lake house. I have so many great memories of my summers there on Jimmerson Lake in Indiana. Playing out side long after dark, chasing fireflies, fishing off the dock, taking my little 16' aluminum bout out and reading in a cove where the otters played, jumping off of the dam and swimming under it when the water was low enough. The friends who didn't know me from "home" so I wasn't stereotyped I was just me. Sitting by the outdoor fireplace long before they were in fashion and listening to the latest record that was bought - when Michael Jackson was cool...swimming out to the swim raft and climbing up on to it before the little fishes could nibble at my toes - that always tickled and freaked me out!

I thought I wanted my girls to have these same kind of memories. But then I went on the internet and looked a pictures of the houses there and was flooded by memories.

I just realized what I really want is to go back to that time for myself. Right now. The urge and desire is so strong tears are burning my eyes. I loved that place...those friends...the way my family interacted when we were there. It was like we were all different people there - I loved who we were.

I need to let go of the desire to make my memories the girl's memories. I need to create the best memories for MY family now.

But boy do I wish I could go back to those lazy days at the lake!