People are mean...or is it me?

I want to cry.

Pharaoh, Pharaoh was playing this morning as I was arriving to practice with the praise team before church. Today was homecoming and the Stick Kids were performing; since Megan is a member I know the song and danced to it along with the kids. I was there ready to praise and worship and for me this means having fun.

There was a lady there (whom I don't much care for) who turned to my friend and said "doesn't she know we're in church? She should not be dancing like that in here!"

When Sherri told me what she said I laughed it off and Sherri and I decided to continue dancing just to irritate her. Yes I know...I'm spiteful and immature.

Sherri had a great attitude about this, she said "if she thinks we shouldn't dance in church then we obviously aren't moving around enough". Allow to say this woman never comes to the 8:30 (contemporary service) and now perhaps I know why. We work hard to fill His house with energy and excite people to go out into His world and do His work.

That's what my brain was trying to emphasize.

My heart is aching.

Is it me? Am I immature? Should I act more grown-up? I know I make a lot of statements that I think to myself "did I just say that out loud?" Should I be taking life more seriously? Perhaps I should settle down and act my age....

I put everything I have and everything I am in to my family, job, Jesus. I live out loud and don't hold back. Should I be less vocal? Should I hold back? Should I be more refined and sophisticated? I know my children, husband, and boss would appreciate it if I kept my mouth shut and "behaved".

It's the timeless question : when do I have to start acting my age? I'm not really sure I want to if that means I too end up with the attitude of "don't dance in church", but if that's what I'm supposed to do I guess I'll start.

Just don't expect me to be happy anymore.

Reflections of Summer part III

Our last stop was to the beach. We vacation every year at Oak Island here in NC. It is a family beach with one putt-putt, one grocery store, just a handful of restaurants, one Dairy Queen, and safe enough to ride bikes anywhere with out the need of a helmet because car traffic is almost non-existent.

We have stayed in the same house for the past five years so it holds a lot of memories - 98% good, but a couple of scary moments thrown into the mix. (Like the year Warren's blood sugar dropped too low after being on the beach all day and the manager of the grocery store called me to because he had passed out and hit it head and was bleeding and vomiting. I was frantic and had to get to him quickly - problem was, he had the car! So I ran to the neighbors and they dropped what they were doing to take me to him. You see, in a place like Oak Island, there are no strangers.)

This year I found myself more at peace than ever before there. I would watch the waves crash, and the girls play, and take long walks with the love of my life just like I always do, but this year there was no anxiety.

This will sound crazy, but I believe it was due to Face Book. I have resolved several issues with people from my past through this tool. Some times I asked forgiveness of people and other times I would ask why a hurtful event happened. I have been able to let go of a lot of baggage that I held on to for a long time and that release has allowed me to find peace. I didn't realize this until watching those waves, taking those walks, and looking for those shells.

The beauty of God's world around me felt different this year. It felt free.

Reflections of Summer Part II

Our Next adventure was to Tennessee to visit my cousin and her family. Kim is really special and I loved having her all to myself ever if it was only for a few days.

Growing up basically an only child I always regarded her as a sister, whether she knows this or not I don't know. She has always just accepted me, mistakes and all. She has made her share of mistakes too and while we never talk about them, I think the similarity of our experiences draws us together even closer with an unspoken bond.

We went horseback riding along a mountain trail - which was very muddy and at time far scarier then we had planned on. We hung out by the pool and watched the kids swim while chatting about nothing in particular. And we went hiking in the Smokey Mountains. For me this was the best day because we just walked and enjoyed life with no pressure to do or say anything except take in the beauty God put before us.

I was so blessed that week and so thankful.

Reflections of Summer

This summer I have done a lot of traveling. The first stop was to Savannah to visit my parents.

I say parents, but I don't think Will really considers me his step-daughter as he always introduces me as "Cindy's daughter". To me he is (beside my grandpa) the only real dad I've had. For years prior to their marriage, he was the one I often looked to for help and guidance and he was always there. I love to spend time with him and he is the only grandfather my girls have - they love him soo much and are always so excited to get to spend time with him.

Beside the great sunsets and beautiful scenery, the most beautiful thing I saw in Savannah this summer was him. It was Sunday morning at the end of church and the congregation sang "Here I am Lord". They had some sign language type movements that went with it and I looked over to Will to see if he would do them - doubting he would because that just isn't his thing. As I watched him, tears rolled down my face. He was lifting his arms, eyes, and heart to the Lord. Never have I seen him so raw - every bit of his soul exposed. I was the most beautiful thing I have seen this summer and is forever etched into my memory and soul.